Packing

Aug. 20th, 2007 08:54 pm
mk_tortie: (fading away)
I'm packing up my room... well, using packing as a reason not to go to work, anyway! Tis a bit scary really, sorting through all my stuff and binning a load of crap, and deciding what I'm not going to need for a year. Reason tells me that if I'm not going to need it for a year, I should just bin it, but some of it (French and Spanish workbooks, books that are really English texts not light reads that I probably won't have time for etc) I just can't bring myself to throw out, because they still seem like they could be useful. And some of it I just have a strange sentimental attachment to, like a piece of paper from the order pad at the Old House at Home (the pub I worked at for 3 years) that says 'Friday, 20th May' on it. It's strange how these things can be so innocuous in themselves, and yet bring back so many memories.

I'm a bit scared about the uni in Germany, too. In my experience, a lot of the German students at King's, here in London, are unwilling to talk in German to you unless you are completely fluent (as in, proper teenage slangy conversation fluent). Which I'm not. And pretty much everyone my age in Germany speaks English. So I'm worried that, because my German won't be up to scratch as soon as I get there, no one will want to talk German to me, and I won't want to speak in English, so I won't make any friends. Silly, I know, but I don't want to spend my whole time with other exchange students just speaking in English. That's not the point of going.

I'm also really hoping I perk up a bit when I get there. I seem to spend my whole time feeling absolutely shattered at the mo. I think it's all the stress I've been going through. Funny, I always thought I dealt with pressurised situations quite well, but it's just been kind of neverending since last summer or even before, and I think it's just finally taking it's toll. Parents moving, me moving, living with people who are more friends with each other than me, dealing with leaving Trev for a year, exams and essays and other normal student stresses, having no money for months (I'm so fed up with living on under 60 quid a week), trying to act as a go-between with my parents and the people I live with, health issues, and loads of other stuff. Meh. Hopefully things will settle down when I get sorted.

In the mean time, some random kid just called my phone and demanded to know what I was doing with his sister's phone. How bizarre!
mk_tortie: (beautiful)
Right. One essay down, one lovely morning with Trev :)....

and now two to go.

But it's all OK.

Oh, and a test that requires some serious reading for on Tuesday. The day before the essays are due in.

I'm just going to concentrate on the now, I think. And use my favourite icon to encourage myself :)

Aagh!!!!

Sep. 16th, 2005 07:47 pm
mk_tortie: (Default)
I'm very very scared. I feel really quite sick. All my stuff is in boxes upstairs (and there's fucking LOADS of it) and now I feel a bit lost. This is bloody terrifying!!!!!! What if I make no friends? Or make friends and then annoy them so much they all leave me again? What if all the other people are amazingly pretty/intelligent/both?!? Stupidly afraid here....
mk_tortie: (Default)
So, having realised that I hadn't actually posted anything particularly meaningful here for ages, I thought I'd post an update about life en ce moment. I went to tescos today with my mum to buy stuff for uni. Now my spare room is covered with boxes and stuff and it's really getting scary, because it's awfully close and real! I mean, I'm sure I'm going to enjoy it, but the thing that scares me is, will I be able to get out of my 'everyone is going to hate me' thing left over from the popularity contests of secondary school? Because that is obviously stupid (I know that) but will I actually be able to remove myself from it? It's just a bit... BIG, I suppose.

I ran the first Guide meeting of the term last night (It was also my last guide meeting of the term, hehe) and did it with Iceland related stuff - they did mini-pioneering, which was funny enough, but then 30 Guides enthusiastically doing country dancing... now THAT was funny! They kept getting too carried away and flinging each other across the room. My mentor looked a bit unimpressed with them screaming, but they're always like that, so I can't help that. She really disapproves of me, I wish she didn't expect me to be so perfect, it doesn't have to be like that! But I think the meeting went well, and the Guides all signed a card for me and gave me towels for uni! Blue, so that they're Guiding colours, but all I could think of was like, 'woah, Hitchhiker's guide!!'

I am in such a weird mood. I'm kind of looking forward to uni, but it's a really huge change and there's also a big part of me going 'I don't wanna go!!!!' I spose it's natural.

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