mk_tortie: (finn brothers)
Just realised I forgot to post about this, because I was too busy being angry... but on Wednesday, whilst I was doing my tour, I saw both President Obama and the President of Mexico! They both went past in their armoured cars, so I was about 10m away from them. It was kind of amazing... London was CRAZY on Wednesday. My tourists got some lovely pictures posing with the riot police though...
mk_tortie: (berlin sunset)
I want to go back to Berlin so badly. Not back to the Humboldt, admittedly, but back to being a tour guide and wandering the city and the wonderful feeling of peace it brings. London is not the place for inner peace, and I could really do with some right now. I could also do with a job that actually earned me some money. But that's another matter... I just need to ESCAPE. I'm so worn out with life here. I feel a bit like an automaton, constantly doing all the things I need to do on autopilot and never getting that wonderful feeling of stopping and looking at my life and thinking 'yes. I like this.' Which I got in bucketloads in Berlin.

I'm not deluding myself into thinking it was perfect. There was a lot of unperfectness. But it was unstressful and peaceful and fun and friendly and all the things that London isn't. And more to the point, I didn't feel like I'm gradually no longer understanding where I want to go or what I want to do or anything. Because here, in London, I'm beginning to wonder what the point in pushing onwards is.

:( I miss Berlin.
mk_tortie: (holy grail king arthur)
I never really believed it was possible to fall in love with a city this much before. But honestly, I really, really don't want to leave Berlin. The idea of just staying, tour guiding, and hanging around and discovering the city for a year, with nothing to worry about other than maybe trying to get some gigs is so incredibly tempting right now. I'm so fed up with the 24 hour pressure of academia - because you can never escape it. At least, if you're a total perfectionist but also incredibly unmotivated like me then you can never escape it, because there's always something you should be studying, an essay you should be writing, and even in the summer, there's something you could be learning to make the next year easier. I've had exams every single year since I was 14 and to be honest, I'm utterly, utterly sick of the whole thing. I just want to escape, and Berlin is an escapist's paradise, and this job is the perfect escapist's job. I don't want to go home.

I suppose this could be a sense of teenage rebellion making a belated entrance into my life. I think the thing I disliked about this year was being forced to be here. And now I dislike being forced to leave - I dislike the way that my university/my degree limits my freedom like that. I was never a rebellious teenager at all - maybe it's coming out now? But I suppose I also know that I will never recreate this sensation of being right here, right now, even if I come back once I finish my degree - Berlin will never be to me what it is right now. I feel like I'm leaving just as something is starting that could make me very happy and content, at least for a while, and it really bugs me.

Oh well, I suppose I should go back to writing about Mulholland Drive. I also have far, far too much to say for this essay - why do I always pick topics I could write a dissertation on? I already have ten pages of handwritten notes and I'm only halfway through the secondary literature... and I haven't even re-watched the film yet to make notes on that. Oh dear...
mk_tortie: (dark to stick it in)
I made decent money today! Hooray!

In other news, I'm taking an internet hiatus for a week, to try and rescue my creativity, destress, and sort a few personal things out. So I'll still be checking my email but I won't be reading my f-list or posting until next Tuesday. Hope you all have fun for a week and I don't miss any exciting drama! *g*
mk_tortie: (drunk cat)
Wow, yesterday was pretty hardcore. I went out with some people from work to watch the football, and it kind of turned into a multiple bar drinking session! We started out in the Pfefferberg to watch the game, which was amazing because there were so many people there (and we'd already been there for two hours before it started, so we were all pleasantly sozzled), and then we moved on to the terrace on top of Wombats hostel afterwards for celebrations, then Kaffee Burger (but the music was a bit crap) and then finally 8mm where I spent about half an hour drunkenly talking to a guy from New York. It was a bit random, and I was a bit hungover this morning, and I didn't go to class OR on the bike tour so today has been a bit of a failure so far, but oh well! I'll just go on the bike tour on Monday instead. I would go tomorrow but I'm supposed to have a Blockseminar. Kind of annoying, I don't really want to go but I think I pretty much have to unless I want to drop that class. Which in some ways I'm kind of tempted to do... oh well, I'll just have to make a decision tonight.

This evening I'm going to Volkspark Friedrichshain to celebrate midsummer, which should be fun. We're having a barbecue and so on, so hopefully it won't rain! I think I'll take my umbrella just in case though, because sitting in a park in the rain is not fun. I'm off now anyway to the Turkish market to buy Turkish Boulette, which are like burger meat with extra spices, which you buy in a big packet and then slice up into squares to cook. Yum :) And bread and so on as well, and probably cake. And I need to buy my housemate some prawns, because I ate all of hers... oops. She got back from London three days ago and I haven't even seen her yet, never mind spoken to her! Just another week of fun in my wonderful passive-aggressive household... eergh. But never mind, today will hopefully be fun. I should fit in some bike tour learning at some point as well though, because right now I'm feeling sort of nervous about having to do it in a week! Agh!
mk_tortie: (drunk cat)
I'm feeling pretty nervous now; I have my first tour on Wednesday morning! Hope I don't bugger it up... I feel like I've forgotten the tour already!

In other news, I randomly decided to apply to a few casting calls for presenting jobs and things like that, for the fun of it, on an agency website I joined ages ago. Imagine my surprise when I got an email today inviting me to a casting in Old Street on Saturday! Shame I'm in Berlin, or I would have actually gone... I guess that means come September it's worth applying to some more!
mk_tortie: (little book of calm)
I just got an email from the head of the tour guide company, saying I should organise with him when my first tour is. I'm scared now! I suppose I'll have to practice my tour a bit more. I actually had a dream last night that I was doing the finale of the tour and could hardly remember it, but it was OK because it was the London tour, not the Berlin one. Bizarre. I also had a dream that I was buying paint in squares and then someone tried to make me put on a robe and go to a four hour long bible studies class, and I didn't want to because it was nearly Christmas and I wanted to go home and admire my wall-sized clock. I think I may have eaten too much cheese last night!

I'm also heading over to Mauerpark today to buy supplies for my bike. Hooray! I'm really not a big fan of the whole flea market culture here, though. People selling handmade and vintage stuff I can understand, and second hand books and records too, but some of the stuff that is for sale up there is literally rubbish. Last time I was there someone had old, broken 1980s food mixers, cracked plastic potties, and rusty car parts. The only possible use I can think of for that sort of thing is for art, and I'm sure there aren't THAT many artists in Berlin who like that.

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September 2016

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