mk_tortie: (diana gabaldon)
Reasons why I need Trev to be with me, here:
- to remind me why being with him is way better than crushing on random Danish guys...
- to give me a hug when I'm feeling down
- to stop me from feeling like a socially-inept giraffe
- to motivate me when I'm feeling useless
- to give me someone to talk to about things I can't tell anyone here

Is it bad that I feel so lost when he's not around, unable to sort these things out on my own? Is that a sign I'm too dependant on him, or is that perfectly acceptable in a relationship? I never know...

I really need to write a song right now.
mk_tortie: (alone in bed)
Haven't posted in a while - I guess I've just had nothing to say. I've got my last exam (grammar) tomorrow, and then I'm done for the year. Right now though I have a stonking headache, probably brought on by not drinking anything all day and then drinking half a bottle of red wine. Eergh. Can't even take any paracetemol because of the wine!

All the fandom kerfluffle has amused me. I don't really go in for the kind of things that got [ profile] pornish_pixies shut down, but I am now quite tempted to put 'eating small children' into my interests, just for the hell of it. Heh. Well, not really, but honestly. Do these groups even READ the things they're trying to shut down? And have they not heard of fiction? Silly people.

Anyway, I have several things I could moan about right now, or celebrate, but I can't really be bothered. Meh. What a post. I bet you all love me!

The only noteworthy thing of late that's happened is I've given up on my diet and exercise plan and gone back to lazing around eating ice cream, because my stomach is stubbornly refusing my attempts to tone it and I weigh exactly the same as I did at the beginning of April. So that was a complete waste of time! I'm obviously meant to be exactly how I am :)

Icon is me, tonight. No Trev. :(
mk_tortie: (fading away)
* I went to see Borat with [ profile] nqdonne. Twas cringy but hilarious!
* I found a wonderfully cheap sushi place on Fleet Street, called Wasabi (imaginatively). Me and Trev had lunch, rather gleefully, next to Temple church, and watched all the tourists struggling to come to terms with the fact that it was closed, so they couldn't go in and take pictures of a house of worship because of some crappy book. And the sushi was wonderful!
* I made rasberry cobblers. They're like hot muffins. Yum.
* I went out to an Oktoberfest bar in Fulham with the German soc. It had a pool table. I was happy.
* I bought a gorgeous Top Shop dress for the Musical Revue next week, and some colourful accessories. This is good, because I worked out that my budget this term actually allows me to do such things. I am quite in awe.
* Trev bought me flowers. They are purple and lovely :)
* I signed up for Tazlure again... and it's been great. I'd forgotten how much I missed it.
* My songwriting muse has reawakened. We're just getting to know each other again, but hopefully something productive will happen now, this time with some longevity!

This is all because I am procrastinating from my wonderful Wozzeck essay. But I'm nearly there - once I've rewatched the film I can start. Hurrah.


Jan. 7th, 2007 11:26 pm
mk_tortie: (dark)
Why am I so crap? I have made myself and Trev sad on the night of my birthday. Gah.

Ok, so I yelled at him cos he was going to stand me up... meh.

mk_tortie: (childhood past)
I've actually taken the radical step of friends-locking this entry. Not because I particularly CARE, but I just can't be bothered to reply to the random comments from people I don't know which I seem to have been getting recently. Anyways. I'm having a crappy day. I seem to have been having a crisis a day this week, but all have been fairly trivial.. I suppose today has been, too, really. I've been planning on renting a flat this summer with Trev. We'd gone through a variety of plan changes, but finally it seemed we had agreed. I said I'd ask my parents to give me a certain amount towards the rent to make it easier for me and Trev... well, more for Trev, if I'm being honest. I though about doing it but finally decided it would be alright when my Dad said he'd donate some money towards our holiday if we had problems finding somewhere cheap. Since I didn't take him up on that, I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask about the flat. I explained to him that it would mean me and Trev would be able to pay less each per week (as opposed to just me)... no problem. He said he'd give us what amounted to 40 quid a week - not that much for him, but enough for us to get somewhere which actually had room to breathe. Great. I'd been holding my breath about the whole thing due to the aforementioned changes of plan, but now I finally thought I could get excited. I thanked my Dad profusely and told the good news to Trev. This was Thursday.

Today I talk to my Mum on the phone. I mention I'm coming home on Saturday to deliver my sister's 18th birthday present. My Dad had neglected to tell her. I assumed that meant he hadn't told her about the money, either, so I did, being a honest daughter. She is entirely unhappy about subsidising Trev. I get grumpy. We have a few more minutes of conversation and then say goodbye. But the thing is, I wasn't grumpy at her, persay. See, I just hadn't seen it like that - I just saw it as making things easier for me and Trev, because my parents wouldn't be paying anything towards my upkeep otherwise, where they would have been had I been at home. But being slightly upset at my mother's reaction, and worried about this new way of looking at things, I talk to Trev. Turns out he's not happy, either - he doesn't want to be subsidised by my parents particularly, cos he hates taking money off people, but especially not if my Mum's not happy with it. Now I'M not happy with it either, because I've obviously been ignoring everybody else's feelings rather selfishly for my own happiness. So Trev points out how he could get a job at Hampstead on campus and pay only 5 pounds a night for accomodation, and I could do the same thing. Trouble is, it's weekend work and 3 days during the week, which means I wouldn't get a day off for the whole summer cos I already work 3 weeknights at the bar which I'm going to carry on. Gah. Still. After much stressing and ranting and crying all afternoon I've come to a decision. We'll both apply for jobs at Hampstead. If we both get them, we'll live here. That'll be fine, we're already used to it, even if it's not what we'd planned. If one of us doesn't, we'll look for other jobs - probably telesales - which I KNOW I've almost certainly got a job waiting for me in, and Trev could easily get a job in. And we'll rent a flat. And if that means him paying 60 quid a week rent because that's all he can afford, and me paying 80+, I don't mind. Because I'd much prefer to be with him than live on my own.

Oh, the joys of being an adult... but not quite... and deciding just how dependant to still be on Mummy and Daddy. And feeling guilty about it. I guess this means I'm paying all my rent next year too, because I don't want to be at ALL dependant any more. I'm glad they paid this year, but I can't claim to be an independant adult whilst still sponging.

Poo. I wish I was 8. I guess my icon is particularly appropriate now.

EDIT: Was friendlocked. But actually I don't agree with friends locking stuff. If I'm going to put it on the internet I should go the whole hog. If not I should write it in my personal diary. So welcome, public.


Apr. 30th, 2006 02:10 pm
mk_tortie: (Default)
Trev and me are going here!!! in the summer, so long as it's not already been booked by someone!! Hooray!! It's going to be sooooooooooooo fun :)
mk_tortie: (Default)
I don't WANNA be here when he's not. And I have mouth ulcers.


That's all I wanted to say.


Mar. 27th, 2006 02:33 am
mk_tortie: (Default)
Trev's away til Wednesday. I just spoke to him on the phone but he had to hang up as he was waking people up in his house. :( I MISS HIM!!! Oh, I'm so pathetic. But I really couldn't listen to the Last Five Years just now. Particularly not Nobody Needs To Know. Because it's about being in love but... well, it's hard to explain. So now I'm listening to Salmonfluff instead :) I miss that sort of thing too... recording somewhat, though I'm doing that next week, but more singing with Lisb.... I miss duet singing... actually, Lisbee, do you fancy having a mass singing session on next Thursday when I come home? I have loads of Miss Saigon and Les Mis stuff, and some Last Five Years stuff we could do even though it's meant to be boy/girl.

Oh, I'm looking forward to going to Berlin, but meeeeeeeh... I don't want to leave Trev! I'm being stupid, I know, but I didn't realise he would be going home this week, so I'll only see him for a day before I go. Well, neither did he, I guess. Still, my Year Abroad is going to be scarier... spose I'll have to get used to this.

I did have a fun evening talking to Holly though :)
mk_tortie: (Default)
Keep my flower safe, my love
Let it not lose its bloom and fade.
Now in your hands I leave it safe
To flourish;
It is mine no more.

Give me your hand and make me yours
Once more
When darkness falls each night
I will not leave as morning's light
Steals shadows from the night's embrace.

Oh, do not let the petals fall
Do not, in quiet moment, leave
And let its fertile blossom droop
(I cannot stand to see you hurt)
Please do not let it blow away?

Be still, my love, be still and calm
And storms will not steal stem or leaf
My flower, safe, lies in your arms
And I am here; let us just be.


Meh. Lit. is a good class for writing pretentious poetry.


Feb. 3rd, 2006 02:16 am
mk_tortie: (Default)
4 months.... it's quite a long time... but not, in the scheme of things, I suppose. But I am happy all the same.


mk_tortie: (Default)

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