mk_tortie | (no subject)

This is one of those days when I really hate the legacy that being 'uncool' at school has left me with. Why do I feel so bloody insecure?! I had another band rehearsal last night, and although the guys kept on saying how my songs had got stuck in their heads and how great they thought playing together was going to be, I still can't help but feel like I screwed up somehow. It's a really uncomfortable feeling, like my stomach is bubbling and my skin is crawling. Ugh. I can't believe I used to feel like this all the time. I'm really, really having to distract myself just to stop myself from analysing every little thing I said and did last night and beating myself over the head with it.

I am actually really hopeful for this band thing - I think it'll be great to get gigs and so on. I just wish I didn't feel like I'm pretending to be part of the cool crowd and that sooner or later they're going to notice and drop me.