meheh ga grrr asdhkjh

[mk_tortie]

So... long vaguely emo post... yay cuts.

So what have I completed so far?

February

• Write my hp_springsmut fic and also springtimegen fic. Nice little bunnies... have a carrot!


• Read the books I got for Christmas. Buy a book on meditation or a yoga video or something.


• Go for coffee/drinks with the following people: Holly, Lisbee, Emily, Sarah, Jane, Darja, Nate, Nick, someone from Music Theatre, someone from German Play - possibly in combination!
  
• Call Rosemary
- not yet, but we talked on MSN

• Go to a party/ have a gathering/ go clubbing
Lots! in Berlin and at Dana's :)

• Review every fiction book/ fanfic read at mk_recs. Don't read fic if don't have time to review!
- haven't finished any yet this month :(

• Do a bit on every essay once a week.
- um... well, they're due in Wednesday and I've yet to finish the first one. Aagh. More on that below.

• Do reading for classes and make notes.
-again... kinda not happening right now.

• Go to Senate House and the British library, so that essays are as good as possible. Go to the BFI library - get membership.


• Go and see Wicked.
twas fantabulous

• Practice exercise tape 8 times during the month.


• Spend time taking photos of: countryside, London streets, parks, the canal, nightlife


• Spend quality time with Trev - but don't overdo it.


• Stick to my budget.



I am having serious issues at the moment. I think it's because over the last six months, I've taken an awful lot of knocks, and I need time to myself to rebuild and recoop. Time I don't have right now. I think I might stop taking the pill for a while - I've been being really stroppy and weird, and tbh, I think my head is screwed up enough as it is without extra help from playing around with hormone levels. I keep snapping at people and crying and overreacting and the trouble is, not only now do I have stressful things making me do that, I'm guilty and stressed out about the FACT I've been doing that. Urgh. I really don't like myself right now. It's so frustrating, too, because I was in such a good place mentally this time last year, and I just feel like I don't know what to think now. Eergh.

This is not aided right now by the aforementioned essay issues. I hate hate hate writing essays. And I was aiming to be so organised and it all just didn't happen. Gah. So I have to finish one by tomorrow afternoon, another by Sunday night, and that leaves me a day and a half to do the last one. It's just about doable - but I'm really really going to have to actually work. Meh. And they're not going to be that good, and I really wanted some firsts out of these, but I don't think I'm going to manage that. I guess I'll just have to do extra revision instead. Grr, I'm so sick of being a student, even if I do get to go to Berlin. I've got two years to go and I'm not sure if I can stand it.

Really, though, I need to stop concentrating on all the stress and stop worrying and just make a fresh start. You know what? From Weds, that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to tell Trev the same, and we're going to have a nice long conversation and decide what a fresh start will entail, and I'm going to do what I want and not what I think people want of me. And I'm going to reorganise my budget because it's completely changed. I think my icon is quite appropriate here - who am I... or rather who do I want to be.

Life IS going to get easier. Either that or drastic measures may be in order, and I'm not sure that's such a good idea.