Fed up with being at home....let's rant!

[mk_tortie]

I hate the holidays, I really do. I get so bored, just sitting at home. And restless. And I end up having really long lye-ins, which then mess up my sleeping patterns so that I can't sleep at night. Gah.

I'm so unsure of everything. Bloody hormones. They mess everything up. Life is just so stupid at the moment. I can feel blankness setting in - it's like I've got this weird internal mechanism, that if ever I start to feel something 'too' strongly, it shuts down all emotions, leaving me unable to look forward to things and appreciate things, but also unable to be properly depressed or sad. Which is frustrating in both directions. Grr.

I've done so little of the stuff I needed to have done over the holidays, as well. It's ridiculous. I'm so lazy. And it's making me stressed, but I'm still not doing anything. It's when the pressure headaches start up again that I really know I'm in trouble. It's just so annoying! I hate all this pressure every year. It just ruins the idea of summer for me. I used to like the summer, but now it just makes me feel like I'm going to have a panic attack the moment the weather gets warmer. Well, maybe not that bad, but all I can feel is what is ahead bearing down on me in some big, stifling, claustrophobia-inducing way. It's like in summer when a thunderstorm comes in and the air is really thick and warm and heavy. That's exactly how I feel now. Like it's all pressing in from all sides.

I know everyone gets stressed at this time of year, but it's so unfair that we should have to. Teenagers have a hard enough time sorting themselves out as it is, without all this extra pressure. It seems so stupid that we have to so much stuff that will affect our lives later on in such a short space of time, at such a changeable period of life. It's a ridiculous system, it truly is.

Grr.

I'll get off my soapbox now....

Comments

rantageness

[guitar-lord.livejournal.com]

hmmmm.... it sounds like you need to unplug.

basically do this, it always helps me intimes of stress:

1) sit down at a piano, with a guitar or whatever
2) close your eyes
3) play.
4) just play, don't think melody/tonality etc. etc. just play whatever falls beneath your fingers
5) wait until you can feel yourself opening up, and relaxing from the inside out.
6) open your eyes, breathe deep and continue to play.

i've always found that in times of stress, despair or self-loathing, a good half hour or so with my guitar helps me relax and forget about the world.

as for doing work - write a checklist, and a set of goals per piece of work. and do two/three goals a day. one in the morning, one in the evening. another if you get really into it. that's what i'm doing......

anyway. hope some of this helps, good luck with de-stressing and stuff

Gulliver/Adam

Re: rantageness

[mk-tortie.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks for the advice Gulliver, I'll try it out... yeah, playing can be very cathartic, it's great. I'm less stressed out today, thank goodness! :)