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I need to have more self-confidence. I've been worrying for a couple of days that my work at work has been basically shit, that I've been really dappy and made loads of stupid mistakes, and am on the verge of being sacked.... and then my boss turns around to me today and tells me she's really pleased because I've been working really hard, and everyone has been telling her how amazing I've been.
I am still finding it hard to believe.
So yeah. Self-confidence.
Gah.
I'm really in the mood for reading something really tear-jerker-ish at the moment, but I don't have anything to read. Perhaps I'll go and write a song in a while. But the trouble is, I sit down to write it, and then I feel stupid, because I end up thinking 'What's the point?' No-one cares about my music, and it's pretty mediocre. And I'm not just saying that. It is totally average.
But oh yeah. Self-confidence. Don't read the above, people, ignore it. It's not worth the time.
Why can I never have a nice time angsting? There's always a little voice inside my mind negating all the arguments I put forward. Grr. Bloody logic. I may have given up maths, but I guess I'm still a mathematician. I can't escape from it.
I'm going to an open day on Wedsnesday - I think it's Cardiff (I've got like 3 or something coming up, can't remember the order!) I'm looking forward to it - for one thing, I get to miss a day of college. I really can't be assed with the whole learning thing at the moment. This is probably a bad time for that to happen, and I've tried to myriad of ways to regain some motivation, but I just don't think I'm cut out for academia. There are so many things I would rather be doing. At least at uni I'll have whittled it down to my two favourite subjects, so the boredom will be slightly less. I just wish I was a good enough performer to simply do that. But I'm not, classically. I'll just have to wait and hope on the record contract. If anyone ever actually gets played my music....
I am still finding it hard to believe.
So yeah. Self-confidence.
Gah.
I'm really in the mood for reading something really tear-jerker-ish at the moment, but I don't have anything to read. Perhaps I'll go and write a song in a while. But the trouble is, I sit down to write it, and then I feel stupid, because I end up thinking 'What's the point?' No-one cares about my music, and it's pretty mediocre. And I'm not just saying that. It is totally average.
But oh yeah. Self-confidence. Don't read the above, people, ignore it. It's not worth the time.
Why can I never have a nice time angsting? There's always a little voice inside my mind negating all the arguments I put forward. Grr. Bloody logic. I may have given up maths, but I guess I'm still a mathematician. I can't escape from it.
I'm going to an open day on Wedsnesday - I think it's Cardiff (I've got like 3 or something coming up, can't remember the order!) I'm looking forward to it - for one thing, I get to miss a day of college. I really can't be assed with the whole learning thing at the moment. This is probably a bad time for that to happen, and I've tried to myriad of ways to regain some motivation, but I just don't think I'm cut out for academia. There are so many things I would rather be doing. At least at uni I'll have whittled it down to my two favourite subjects, so the boredom will be slightly less. I just wish I was a good enough performer to simply do that. But I'm not, classically. I'll just have to wait and hope on the record contract. If anyone ever actually gets played my music....
