Exit Life Through Window

I've actually taken the radical step of friends-locking this entry. Not because I particularly CARE, but I just can't be bothered to reply to the random comments from people I don't know which I seem to have been getting recently. Anyways. I'm having a crappy day. I seem to have been having a crisis a day this week, but all have been fairly trivial.. I suppose today has been, too, really. I've been planning on renting a flat this summer with Trev. We'd gone through a variety of plan changes, but finally it seemed we had agreed. I said I'd ask my parents to give me a certain amount towards the rent to make it easier for me and Trev... well, more for Trev, if I'm being honest. I though about doing it but finally decided it would be alright when my Dad said he'd donate some money towards our holiday if we had problems finding somewhere cheap. Since I didn't take him up on that, I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask about the flat. I explained to him that it would mean me and Trev would be able to pay less each per week (as opposed to just me)... no problem. He said he'd give us what amounted to 40 quid a week - not that much for him, but enough for us to get somewhere which actually had room to breathe. Great. I'd been holding my breath about the whole thing due to the aforementioned changes of plan, but now I finally thought I could get excited. I thanked my Dad profusely and told the good news to Trev. This was Thursday.

Today I talk to my Mum on the phone. I mention I'm coming home on Saturday to deliver my sister's 18th birthday present. My Dad had neglected to tell her. I assumed that meant he hadn't told her about the money, either, so I did, being a honest daughter. She is entirely unhappy about subsidising Trev. I get grumpy. We have a few more minutes of conversation and then say goodbye. But the thing is, I wasn't grumpy at her, persay. See, I just hadn't seen it like that - I just saw it as making things easier for me and Trev, because my parents wouldn't be paying anything towards my upkeep otherwise, where they would have been had I been at home. But being slightly upset at my mother's reaction, and worried about this new way of looking at things, I talk to Trev. Turns out he's not happy, either - he doesn't want to be subsidised by my parents particularly, cos he hates taking money off people, but especially not if my Mum's not happy with it. Now I'M not happy with it either, because I've obviously been ignoring everybody else's feelings rather selfishly for my own happiness. So Trev points out how he could get a job at Hampstead on campus and pay only 5 pounds a night for accomodation, and I could do the same thing. Trouble is, it's weekend work and 3 days during the week, which means I wouldn't get a day off for the whole summer cos I already work 3 weeknights at the bar which I'm going to carry on. Gah. Still. After much stressing and ranting and crying all afternoon I've come to a decision. We'll both apply for jobs at Hampstead. If we both get them, we'll live here. That'll be fine, we're already used to it, even if it's not what we'd planned. If one of us doesn't, we'll look for other jobs - probably telesales - which I KNOW I've almost certainly got a job waiting for me in, and Trev could easily get a job in. And we'll rent a flat. And if that means him paying 60 quid a week rent because that's all he can afford, and me paying 80+, I don't mind. Because I'd much prefer to be with him than live on my own.

Oh, the joys of being an adult... but not quite... and deciding just how dependant to still be on Mummy and Daddy. And feeling guilty about it. I guess this means I'm paying all my rent next year too, because I don't want to be at ALL dependant any more. I'm glad they paid this year, but I can't claim to be an independant adult whilst still sponging.

Poo. I wish I was 8. I guess my icon is particularly appropriate now.

EDIT: Was friendlocked. But actually I don't agree with friends locking stuff. If I'm going to put it on the internet I should go the whole hog. If not I should write it in my personal diary. So welcome, public.